Shut Your Fat Lip!

My buddy would tell me to ease up, calm down and not lower myself to the lowest common denominator. I’m sorry man, I’m F’ing pissed off. And it’s rant time. If you can’t handle some language, tune out for this post, forget I got this person in me; he rarely comes out but some people asked for it.

You might not like what I have to say. Or what I have to show you!

It’s begun. The time of year for two things in the fitness industry and for health endeavors in general. Over the next two weeks those treadmills, ellipitcals and stairsteppers will become a lot more free. The line of young gangsters standing right in front of the dumbbell rack doing synchronized bicep curls endlessly for 15 sets will begin weeding out.

I guess they just didn’t get want they wanted in the 4 weeks they thought it would take:

Turns Out, You Need Hard Work But Over a Long Period of Time

Whoa, whoa, whoa; slow down. Over a long period of time? I thought I just had to work hard. Yep, son, it’s going to take YEEEARS. But I promise it’ll be worth it. In training, the adage of the journey being equally or more important and rewarding than the actual destination (end goal) holds true.

And I’m sorry girlie, yes, cardio will help take you from an apple shape to a smaller apple shape…but it ain’t going to do a damn thing about your shape. That’s what weight training is for.

I know, you’re frustrated, no one told you the truth.

The Rant

With the slacker bit over with let’s get to the other demons. The husbands, wives, sisters, brothers, “friends” and co-workers that are constantly putting you down for reaching, striving, and working for your goals of being leaner, stronger, fitter, and healthier.

You know, those fat lazy bastards or the skinny bitches who eat McD’s every day and don’t gain an ounce or lift a finger to attain the body they want, the fitness level they desire or to deal with the mounting health problems their doc keeps prescribing drugs for.

Those people gotta go, seriously, piss off and shut your fat lip!

This past week I’ve heard the plight of about a dozen of my clients about those people who are turning their support the other way on my people. So it’s time I stand up for them.

Example: {Facebook post from the most badass woman I know}: ” Went to the Boathouse last night with friends. Why is it whenever people notice that you aren’t drinking, eating the bread or ordering dessert that they look at you like you are mutant but then in the next breath tell you they don’t want to go away somewhere sunny and hot because their body isnt bathing suit ready…..well duh.”

Or the 48 year old, world’s-biggest-sweetheart-of-a-woman-I’ve-ever-met who over the past 4 months I’ve been training her, has gone from never exercising with free weights to having lost 7.8lbs on the scale (145.6lbs to 137.8lbs at 5’7″ tall) and gaining 1.23lbs of muscle. Now she came to me originally because of knee pain when she climbed stairs. Not even for weight loss but rather to stop the pain and get in better shape. As a result of her getting stronger to dial down the knee pains and then finally some smart dietary habit changes (not a diet, just cleaning up some food) she’s lost that excess body fat and gained some muscle. About two months ago she came in, ecstatic to show me her new bicep muscles. Not to show me her pants were getting loser or that her stomach had shrunk (both were happening) but to show me her muscle gain! Listen to me, this is basically like my mom, excited because she’s gotten stronger, more confident and feels the surge of energy that a small 7.8lbs of fat loss OVER 4 MONTHS (less than 2lbs/month) and she’s in less pain overall. Her family (except the real supportive, caring ones) are calling her anorexic, telling her that she’s starving herself (when she’s actually eating more every day than when I first met her) and putting her down for being happy, in less pain and super energetic instead of tired and overall, she’s just happier and more confident in who she is. You know what, if she won’t say it, I will: f*ck off. You have no right to call yourself a friend or caring family member if that’s who you’re going to be towards her and what you’re going to say.

I mean, really, I’d like to know how this 48-year-old, sweetheart of a woman doing this (which makes her happy and healthy) is somehow a bad idea: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vS2bZaaDlI

Grrrrrrrr….. I want to smash my keyboard right now

Or how about the people who endless complain about “not having time” to workout, cook, eat right and reach for their goals of looking better and being healthier? Really, let’s talk then. Do you have a television in your house? Yes. Okay. Do you watch ANY television, regardless of type or time? Oh, you do; that’s funny. I thought you said you had no time for exercise and cooking to begin looking and feeling better. So you were lying. No? Oh, right, you were just making a choice to stay as you are, never content, forever whining about what you don’t work for. You too can just keep your lips closed from herein.

Please, try to debate with me how never missing out on Jersey Shore is better than attaining your summer body. I dare you.

My favorite are the husbands who whine about their wives going to the gym “too much this week.” HAHA. Really. Go sit down with a dude who’s wife refuses to exercise. But hey, I get you, I mean it sucks that your woman, you know the one you supposedly care about making happy, is somehow taking something away from you by going out a few hours a week to exercise or cook clean meals so that she can drop a few pounds (that she doesn’t need hanging around) and trying to make her butt look firmer and rounder, or making her tummy flatter or making her legs look harder. Yea, I can imagine how you’ll be suffering from such a thing. 99% of the time the main reason husbands and boyfriends sabotage their significant other’s progress or stomp on their efforts is because if your wife(y) changes well that might mean you have to buck up too. So it’s your lazy ass that needs to come try and keep up with your lady at the gym. Be a man and support your sexy woman. YOU DID CHOOSE HER AFTERALL – ACT LIKE IT.

I Dare You 

I’ve said it many times: most wives would leave their husbands in the ditch crying to keep up with their workouts. Women who truly workout are hardcore. Women who work for their fitness goals work harder than most men any day. Because they have to, they lack the testosterone to make it as easy as us guys have it. Hell, I can eat a whole large pizza to myself and wake up the next day like looking like it never happened. Ask your gal how that scenario works for her.

So…I dare you, WE DARE YOU, to join my client’s session. Hell, I won’t even charge you the extra person fee. C’mon, come tag along and do your wife’s, sister’s, brother’s, co-worker’s, husband’s or “friend’s” workout next time. Because if the answer is no, YOU HAVE ZERO RIGHT TO SPEAK.

Until that day comes and you learn some respect in that process: shut your fat lip!

Time for me to go meditate this silverback gorilla energy away now.