Get Your F&*#%^@ A$$ In Gear!

Alright, caffeine loaded, random rant based thought primed to unleash, knuckles cracked and game to check how fast I can still type. Oh and sickest Eminem song gonna be on repeat for the entirety of this blog. You’re welcome to join the party:

Get Your F&*#%^@ Ass In Gear!

Look, I’m going to start point fingers; I’m going to start calling some peeps out. I’m going to tell you this for your own good:

Bruce Buffer - It's Time!IT’S TIME!

 As per my usual I shall properly aim this:

If you gained fat in August (or over summer) this is for you. If you missed more than one workout for no real good reason in August, this is for you. If you aren’t in better shape today than before the summer, this is for you. If you don’t already know exactly what your next 4 weeks of training looks like, FAIL, and this is for you. If your posture is starting to resemble the hunchback of Notre Dame and your joints are creaking like an 87-year-old, this is for you. If you haven’t ra-ra’d with your training partner already about the GAINZ about to be had, this is for you. If you’re completely sick of eating the most random meal plan this summer (and it shows on your ass), guess what, this is for you.

This is not for the gym rat who’s in top shape, who’s been killing it week in and week out since April. This isn’t for person who’s got a game plan (stop reading sh*t and get to it)! This is not for the people who spent more time doing cardio than sitting on a patio drinking copious alcoholic beverages. This is not for those slamming chicken breasts on the regular. This is not for those clients who showed up for sessions every week this summer. To those people, I salute you! Keep going.

Merry Go Round

Seasons of Change

I’m 8 years into this fitness thingamajiggy as a career. Let me tell you something, I can nearly predict exactly what you’re thinking and feeling about your fitness, health, enthusiasm and motivation regarding your aesthetics as well. Just plug-in how often you’ve been working on those things and what time of the year it is and ping…..

Your fitness endeavors in August sucked, right! Was probably a lot of fun though. But you’re ready to get back to it. Aching to get back to some sort of routine in fact. Your muscle tone resembles stale spaghetti more than it does a statue carved with pure sacrifice:

Jelena Abbou

Jelena Abbou, oh my

Those of us in the fitness industry are heading into our absolute busiest time from: September-October. It’s even more busy than January is. So expect your gym to be nightmare. Expect your personal trainer to have very few available time slots if you don’t get them booked yesterday.

But some wait, especially the moms. School is going back in session (well, for those of us not facing a ridiculous government that won’t give teachers what they deserve leaving them to strike). The heat waves settle. We start wearing jackets at night. The night comes far earlier it seems. Sleep schedules are messed up. Endless fast food commercial capitalize on all of this chaos, and some of you lose to that.

It’s all a gong show. If you let it be that.

There are two times in the year that pretty much guarantee whether you’ll see your fitness, health and aesthetic/physique goals realized or NOT. You just walked into the second one this year.

See, in April y’all start thinking about summer, looking primo, feeling your absolute best, and making this year THE year. If you didn’t start by May, pshhh you didn’t make it. Not like you wanted to. So, again, everything being a cycle in this industry I can tell you with absolute certainty whatever goals you had set out for yourself during 2014 you have 8-12 weeks to put everything in motion and have it flowing tightly or you’ll be waiting for next April.

Why? Three things:

1) The weather! Let me ask you: did you move more because of the superb weather this summer versus say how much you were moving about in January? Yea, exactly. You’re 200+ days away from that easy groove again. GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR!

2) Thanksgiving! Come the end of October/start of November it all slows down. Whatever routines you set in the next 8 weeks those are the ones that will hold you through the winter. No one starts getting fit in November. GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR!

3) December! This month more than any other your diet is going out the window. The weather is the pits so NEPA/NEAT is going down the crapper (and with it your fat loss). If you’re a dude you start talking garbage like this 3rd double cheeseburger this week is “for bulking, brah!” Yea, it shows, brah. Add holidays, time off school (read: routines) if that affects you and the endless “c’mon just have one, you’re in great shape!” GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR!

Which Gear?

8 Speed Gear Shift 8Yea, that one!

Here’s what you need to do:

1) If you don’t have a training schedule, program and game plan already set up, do it. If you normally workout with a training partner (which you should, there’s nothing more valuable than a good training partner) chat with them about your plans and solidify some commitments to each other. If you don’t have a training partner consider a personal trainer that is frighteningly passionate about what they do, especially if you have never trained regularly in a gym or home before. You’re going to need help navigating the open gym space (yikes) for your go-to hamster wheels are going to be mighty unavailable.

Treadmill monkeys

This should NEVER be your first line of fat loss defense!

2) If you haven’t thrown out all the junk food from your cupboards yet. Do it right now. If you’ve thought about all the stuff you’re going to stop shoveling in your face, have you mapped out all the stuff you are going to replace it with? What’s for lunch 3 days from now? And breakfast the day after? You have all those groceries in your fridge right now, right? No? Okay, get to the grocery stores, butcher shop, and farmer’s markets to stock up. I’ve said it before, you buy your intentions! And if your eating patterns for this entire year thus far have not worked for you, step up and hire a professional for that! Seriously, you’re clearly incapable of understanding which foods work for you. And that’s okay, you don’t cut your own hair; there are times hired help just makes more sense. It’s just one less thing to have to worry about. Follow the plan laid out.

Prepped Meals

3) You may not have realized but all that down time this past month or so, times where there was actually nothing pressing to do, that’s all about to go bye-bye. REAL QUICK. Likely that was a big part in your enjoyment this summer. So be smart, plan your own down time. Meditate. Start taking yoga (or go back to it). Go for a float (seriously!!!). Book regular massages, especially if you have coverage people, c’mon! Your physiotherapist, massage therapist, chiropractor are all about to get super busy too so have standing appointments each month or you’re going to lose out! Have a date night with your spouse once a month at least. Set up a dinner date with family or you’ll get yourself so busy the next time you’ll see them will be Thanksgiving. Don’t get so hung up on your kids hockey and other extracurricular activities that you leave nothing for yourself (you moms do that FAR too much).

4) Measure progress. If you don’t do this one thing, you’ll fail, 85% guaranteed! Look, if you haven’t been on a weight scale (body fat scale preferably) in the last 3 months, normally I would applaud you; but cut the crap, get on the scale. If you haven’t taken progress pics lately, do it, now. Stop being a whimp. If you haven’t tape measured that area of your body that seems to matter most to you in a while, get on it. The point is you need a reality check. And you’re afraid of that.

To that end, I think progress pics are either better taken on muscles you find difficult to bring up, muscles or poses that are the least flattering, or front/side/back comparisons and generally back photos will tell you more than front ones. Pictures don’t lie. We see the front of ourselves nekid every single day!

I’ve always compared my back photos, they tell me most if I’m putting in work, if I’m doing enough to keep my back strong (I’ve had years of low back issues so if my whole backside isn’t big and strong I’m heading down a slippery slope). When I store fat it’s more on my love handles than anywhere else so that’s a good smack upside the head too when I take the photos.

Adrian - Back Progress Pics To Current Aug 2014

These pics tell me everything I need to know about my progress over the past 16 years of working out. 3 months before the 1998 photo I weighed in at a whopping 136lbs!! Within 4 months of weight training (and probably copious amounts of creatine) I ballooned up 30lbs (the first pic top left). I remember my grandfather asking if I was on steroids…at 165lbs HAHAA. As you age, the gains may slow down, but progress should always be made. When I saw my Dec 2013 pics it slapped me upside the head. in 2014 I’ve gained 3lbs of muscle, lost 11lbs of fat, and put two inches on my chest which has really be my main focus this year. But it’s time to get back to flying squirrel mode for my back training. Have to hit a clean 200lbs+ on the scale and beat my March 2013 lat spread!

The point is, if you’re not at your absolute best ever, this day, today, get back to being your best and get beyond it!

So…for those who talk so loudly about their goals, for those with wonky shoulders that do nothing but use it as an excuse as to your lack of being in your best shape ever, for those amidst a huge fat loss plan with hopes of getting married and seeing their best health ever, for those scared of dying of a heart attack if you don’t get your shit together, for those of you who’s ass looks to belong atop a stack of flap jacks at Denny’s, for those who haven’t in recent memory set a PR on a barbell movement or weight plates hanging off your bodyweight (no tricep pressdown PR’s are not a thing!), for those of you who think you’re living for your children by driving them endlessly to all their after school hobbies {first rule of being there for your kids is being ALIVE and hopefully a role model for your kids!}, for those of you who can’t touch your toes, for those of you competing in bikini, figure or such contests and are not absolutely sure you’re BY FAR bringing your best package ever, for those of you who don’t look at least 5 years younger than your actual age, for those of you with dust collecting on your skinny pants, for those of you who are closer to 60 than you are 40 and are in desperate need of packing on some muscle mass, for those of you who can’t recall the last time you cooked a vegetable, for those of you with life or quality of life threatening diseases that are not getting better with time, for those of you who feel blah about your life, your confidence, your motivational powers towards those around you….

Get Your F&*#%^@ Ass In Gear!


BTW, you can now find me on:

Instagram @adriancroweathletictraining

Facebook page at Adrian Crowe Athletic Training “The Crowe’s Nest”


or email me directly at

I’d be happy to help if you’re brave enough to holla!

This entry was posted in RANTS.

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