What do the following have in common?
Take a second and ponder that as it’s all related to this:
Flushing the Toilet!
I’m not a pack rat. I’m not overly partial to any of my possessions. It’s just stuff. And while I like new, shiny stuff around the house and new toys and gadgets there comes a point when you just don’t need that much!!
I’m going to keep this blog as short as possible by asking why we should “Spring clean” when we could achieve so much more just recycling and tossing crap out that is no longer of use every day. When the world ends next year are you going to care about all of the STUFF you surround yourself with? Here’s the other thing…how do you expect to move forward in life when your life is full of purchased stuff from the past? I’m not saying go buy new sh*t all the time but rather know when something is no longer valid in your life.
Which leads me to this:
Oh, man, am I gonna catch some flack for this bit. My whole life as shy, introverted and in my earlier years – lacking confidence, somehow I still found a way to collect people. They just seemed to always be entering my life and sticking around. Like Klingons. Sounds awesome right? Who could possibly have too many friends? Well, the truth is I only have so much energy in a day. I’m a giver by nature so at some point I run out of available energy to give so I have to be selective about whom and where I dedicate myself to.
It’s here, in this collection of people I find it appropriate (for me) to flush the toilet from time to time and pinch off a load of people who no longer belong. Now before you get all up in arms about that I want you to think about this:
If I am to believe that I’m on a path in this life and in that theory, that everyone else is on a path I would have to be completely delusional that happily forever after we’re somehow supposed to be able to continue along similar paths endlessly. I think this is why most marriages end in divorce these days. See, life 100-1000 years ago was more simple, there were fewer options about where you would take your life. The Native American in 1850 wasn’t sitting around thinking how he should travel abroad, become a structural engineer and up and move for work in Paris. The paths of our lives as humans has become incredibly diverse, so finding a person you’re willing and wanting to walk beside for the rest of your life is an incredibly difficult task as it means, eventually you will have to give up and sacrifice things you will have wanted to do with your life, you’re changing your path.
Sometimes people weave in and out of our lives. Some fleetingly cross our paths. Some bump us off our path and steer us along theirs instead. The point is at some point we end up back on the path we’re supposed to be on (if you believe in that sorta thing.)
So how do you decide the quality of your current relationships (family, friends and acquaintances) and decide who stays, goes or even possibly just gets shelved for some time.
1st off – Energy Vampires gotta go! ASAP. Flush them, shun them, get rid of them!! I don’t care how harsh that sounds. Do yourself a favor, you’re bound to end that relationship anyway. Save yourself now! There is always going to be haters, people who say you can’t, that you’re not worth it, that you’re stupid, that you will never be, do or achieve …. and those people gotta go!
Shelve people – I tend to be the sorta guy who has friends that I see often for a few months and then not at all for the next few. But with near all of those friends (unless they start turning into Energy Vampires) I never feel bad about the loss of contact. It doesn’t change how I feel or the level of respect I have for that person, it just means my life is on a different curve of my path that’s some distance away from your path right now. Cool, when we get closer than you know what, it’s like that gap in time never happened. Those are friends worth keeping!
Family – oh, boy. I can only imagine the backlash coming my way. Look, I didn’t have a tight-knit family growing up. They weren’t mean or bad to me, in fact quite the opposite, but I’m sort of a loner. I do things on my own. So I don’t stay in contact with much of my family, and most not at all. That’s my choice. I don’t subscribe to the idea that just because I was born into a group of people that I’m supposed to stay there or keep dumping energy into something that may be toxic. Look, if a family member is a complete cow to you, always bringing you down, always trying to make your life miserable or they themselves are just always miserable…create some space. It may just be the healthiest thing you can do.
With 7 billion people on the planet you’d be wise to keep only the best, most rewarding, complimentary, respectful and helpful people around! Flush the rest. I know it isn’t easy.
You know what I can’t stand more than anything else? Someone who knows they’re wrong but just keeps arguing away because they can’t stand anyone challenging their way of living or dealing with the world. I’m just saying be open to having someone change your outlook or vantage point in life.
Of course I don’t like feeling dumb or wrong. If you know someone is in the wrong you’d be a better person to find the gentle way of getting through to them.
I love the phrase that says “given enough time, everything we know is wrong.” I firmly believe that. And the sooner I am proven wrong, the better. There was a time I thought throwing a football at the back of my little brother’s head was a grand idea. Until he threw it back at my head. Lesson learned.
Look, don’t be cold-hearted, just be wise. Learn to be a light switch that just turns off on things outdated, inappropriate and anything or anyone holding you back from the life you see for yourself. And hey, if I just so happen to fall into that category and our paths are headed in different directions, I don’t take it personal; thanks for the company. The past is the past…
and it’s starting to smell funky…
Flush the toliet!