This is going to be one of my favorite ones of the original list of 25. It’s near and dear to my heart:
A couple of years ago I watched this DVD seminar by Mark Gungor: http://shopping.laughyourway.com/laugh-your-way-seminar-dvd?sc=7&category=-107
I want you to take 5 minutes and go laugh your ass off at this video which is a clip from the seminar. The rest of this blog is about this so go get your laugh on: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxtUH_bHBxs
Alright, with that outta the way (seriously, buy the DVD, it was a game-changer) there was one thing that stuck with more than anything else from the experience of this. A single line that every guy would be wise to ponder:
“Don’t forget the girl!”
There was a lot of great take-away wisdom in the seminar but this line was talking about how guys, we just like adventure, we have our “nothing boxes,” we are just going to do the life we wanna do and you women are brave souls who put up with, support and let us go be stupid if it’s gonna make us happy. But Mark cautioned a coming back to basecamp every once in a while: “Don’t forget the girl!”
For being 32 years old I feel a lot wiser about relationships than most my age. I’m a serial relationshipist, been in them since I was 17. I love myself, in fact I’m my favorite person. But I always saw myself as part of a two person team and it was just about trying to find the bravest gal I could, to weather my crazy. And trust me, my younger self WAS AN ASSHOLE!
I learned a few things along the way:
1) Giving flowers: First, let’s replace flowers with any metaphor you can think of for stuff women want from and of their man (diamonds, respect, trips to Michael’s craft supply shops, nice dinner’s out, etc, etc, etc, etc!) I’m just going to use flowers. Have you ever had a woman say, “You never buy me flowers!?” What would a normal dude do? Go out and buy her flowers soon. Maybe not right that moment because we know that we’d look dumb then, but within a week we probably will. But I’m telling you that’s not what she was hoping for. She just wanted to let you know you’re not getting it. You’re not staying on top of her needs.
2) Boy duty: It’s boy duty to carry heavy sh*t from the car. In fact if it’s over 50lbs, it’s not that she can’t pick it up, just be a man and do it for her. It’s boy duty to deal with the garbage. It’s boy duty to open the door for your lady. It’s boy duty to get rid of the spider. Now every woman has her own list of things that fall into boy duty, you’d be wise to make a mental list and keep tabs on it. Woman blab and brag endlessly to other women about how great their man is because “he does _____ for me.” “What does your neanderthal caveman do for you?” is closer to what they’re really saying. It’s a big compare-fest just like guys compare our possessions.
3) Family: Hers matter. You may or may not have a great relationship with yours (I don’t) but her family means a lot. Get okay with that. Spend some time with Pops. Learn everything you can about your woman’s mother because the longer you’re with her the longer you’re going to realize that they have FAR more in common than you know and that your woman will become quite like her over time, good and bad.
4) Her day: Get it over with. I swear the key to a happy relationship is the daily asking of this question to your woman “how was your day?” And unfortunately you have to sit and hear it all. You know, all about “Sally’s dog’s veterinarian’s pool boy and how he is backstabbing Becky’s cousin’s sister Tammy and how she can’t believe someone could be that ignorant…it’s just like that time when Jessica, you remember Jessica, well she did the same thing last year to Brooke and look how that turned out.” See in all that God-awful and guy-useless information was one useful message: “how someone could be that ignorant.” You’ll learn your woman’s boundaries, capabilities and expectations by hearing what she bitches about in other’s personalities. Sorry guys, just gotta do it.
5) I’m guaranteeing you guys that the biggest, worst things that are going to happen to you are most likely going to come out of your own stupidity. And women aren’t far off. See, they are by far their own worst enemies. Guess what? It’s your job to help her there. That is something you can do and be for her. She’s whining about getting fatter? Well, hire a personal trainer for her (I happen to know a good one) or get off your lazy ass and workout at home with her. What? You don’t want her butt to look nicer too? You know that toxic friend she has? The one that’s dumbing her down, making her come home all bitchy and really just isn’t a positive influence in her life? Yea, be a man and put your foot down. Tell her they can’t be friends anymore. Yep, ladies I just said that. You need to quit with the toxic people!
6) Sex: Yep, I’m gonna go there. As I didn’t have a father figure around growing up and the “you are using condoms, right?” creepy speech from my mother really didn’t get through I was forced to learn about sex (and more importantly how not to F it up) from some interesting sources:
Chris Rock said so much that has stuck that I can’t even recall it all. But in regards to sex his wisdom said: “Your woman is nastier than you ever imagined! But you gotta come correct because anything you mumble ain’t gettin done…” Trust me, you gotta listen to the above album. Funny as hell if you can handle some vulgarity. As is his “Roll With The New” album. He also said something that really stuck, “I feel sorry for women sexually sometimes. Cuz you know men, we only got one responsibility: KNOCK IT OUT! That’s it. That’s your only responsibility.”
Remember what I said about the list of boy duties around the house? Yea, she’s got a bedroom list too. Knock it out!
Um, what were we talking about?
Oh, yea. Okay, so about the girl, I’m sure you’ve heard the trendy slogan: “Happy wife, happy life!” I just shake my head at that. But probably because it’s true.
The last thing guys (if you made it this far), trust me your friends are gonna always be there to some degree but the gal on your arm, she’ll put up with way more of your b.s. than anyone else in your life. So fine, go live your life, chase you dreams, work long hours (I get that) but when it’s time to turn off the computer and go to bed: do that. When you’re walking into the grocery store, put your cell phone into your pocket and take your woman’s hand. She’ll smile the most insanely large smile for that. When she’s got that look on her face like you’re supposed to know what she’s thinking/wanting, you probably do know or you best figure it out. Oh and a tip about the flowers: pick a random Tuesday a couple of times of year and buy her the most insane bouquet you can afford. The more random the time and reason, the better.
Whatever I do, wherever I go in this life, whatever time I take to get something done or spend in the “nothing box,” I’m doing my best to find a way every day:
“Don’t forget the girl!”